she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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