So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
