I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
