I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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