VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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