I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
