new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
