you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
