He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
