is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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