If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
