3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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