I heard we made out
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
