I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
