Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
