I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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