I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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