I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
