i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
foreskin is a definite game changer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
