It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
