I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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