Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
