You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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