id be glad to
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
