I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
