she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
