how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize