This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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