This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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