Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
