youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
