Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
