i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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