cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
