mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
