You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
