Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
FUCK WHALES
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
