Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
