Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
