Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize