my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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