i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
