Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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