Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize