peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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