words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
