What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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