Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
