A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
