i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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