I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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