Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
