I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
