Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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