none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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