I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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