You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize