Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
