it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
