you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize