We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
