Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need water and some morals
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
