i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
