Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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