I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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