I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
