Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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