I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
