ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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