there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
