I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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