Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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