Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
