It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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