exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
