I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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