He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
