Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
