Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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