sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
