the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
