i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
