I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't put those talents on a resume
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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