She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
